Daughter of the East

The sun has set in the East
Pain and sadness house the heart
I goad the ashes for a hope
Mourns a nation torn apart
The bog rejoices its success
Though her specter shall prevail
Sounding the reveille
Till democracy takes its revenge

These verses were penned down last year. I guess it is necessary to give an idea about the time frame because the lines have somewhat lost their shine.

11:30 pm. 27th December, 2007, standing outside the PPP regional office, looking at the lambent tongues of flame, a hope burgeoned in me that this might lead to a chain effect(don’t read revolution); ousting of the junta and installation of democratic leadership. Hope was fulfilled but certainly not the way I wanted.

Did we learn anything? If the people of Pakistan get a free and fair chance to elect new guards for future security in the next elections then we just might had.

Good Will Hunting

Finally there was something worth that one and a half hour. I truly regret not getting my hands on it earlier. Every scene was a pearl in a string. I would resist the temptation to write down every single dialogue over here and restrict myself to a few.

First there was this scene where Will is having an argument with a big-headed Harvard first-year grad student (Clark) who was trying to make Will’s friend Chuckie look bad in front of girls. Will comes in and shuts him up by telling that he is just repeating some previously crammed lines from a book and doesn’t have any original thought on the subject. The last line is what answers a lot of questions. I think this what matters in the final analysis. Here is an excerpt

Clark: Well, as a matter of fact, I won't, because Wood drastically underestimates the impact of social -
Will: Wood drastically underestimates the impact of social distinctions predicated upon wealth, especially inherited wealth"? You got that from Vickers' "Work in Essex County," page 98, right? Yeah, I read that too. Were you gonna plagiarize the whole thing for us? Do you have any thoughts of your own on this matter? Or do you, is that your thing, you come into a bar, read some obscure passage and then pretend - you pawn it off as your own, as your own idea just to impress some girls, embarrass my friend?
Clark: [looks down in shame]
Will: See, the sad thing about a guy like you is, in 50 years you're gonna start doin' some thinkin' on your own and you're going to come up with the fact that there are two certainties in life: one, don't do that, and two, you dropped 150 grand on an education you could have got for a dollar fifty in late charges at the public library!
Clark: Yeah, but I will have a degree. And you'll be servin' my kids fries at a drive-thru on our way to a skiing trip.
Will: That may be, but at least I won't be unoriginal.

Skylar and Will have this energy or some kind of vibe which makes everything around them 'comfortable' when they are together. I don't know how to explain it, maybe that is what good chemistry is all about. I liked the way Sean described soul mates, not to mention Will's reply.

SEAN:Do you have a soul-mate?
WILL:Define that.
SEAN:Someone who challenges you in every way. Who takes you places, opens things up for you. A soul-mate.
WILL:Yeah. Shakespeare, Neitzche, Frost, O'Connor, Chaucer, Pope, Kant--
SEAN:They're all dead.
WILL:Not to me, they're not.
SEAN:But you can't give back to them, Will.

There are many scenes which I would have loved to share but someone who hasn't seen the movie would be somewhat lost. Taking an excerpt out is pretty brutal. It's like breaking that string, the charm of looking it as a whole is far greater. I'll end this post with this clip.

Enigmatic and enchanting. Perhaps it was Will's turn to face some originality :)

Starting Afresh

Perhaps I read this story in Bustaan-e-Saadi. Neither I remember the exact words nor am I able to find the book. It was about a very old person, who on being inquired about his age, replied that he was merely four years old, adding that it has been only four years since meaning of this life has dawned upon him so he had decided to disregard rest of the sixty meaningless years (or something to that effect).

Looking back over the years and the idea of disregarding them in a jiffy seems welcoming, brooding over them does not. So much time has been wasted. Still don’t know and understand a lot many things. Never learnt them and might never get the chance to do so. The vague desire of man to be homo universalis...

It would be nice to move on, start afresh. But what guarantee does one have that ten or twenty years down the road one wouldn’t stumble upon a new meaning, a new horizon. The previous one was just a mirage, another run-of-the-mill trick out of the great magician’s bag. Idols smashed down, and principals torched. Life would be again on the crossroads. Then once again this urge to trample over the bygone years would seethe but it would be the threshold of that troubled, twilight period which Turgenev describes as the one when regrets come to resemble hopes, and hopes are beginning to resemble regrets, when youth is fled and old age is fast approaching. The decision would be much difficult then.

A Gamble

All the aces of my life
willingly proffered to her
She had nothing to lose
I, everything to gain
cognizant of previous wounds
Inner-self demurred temerity
Effacing every doubt
letting her complete me
Took her time, had her fill
But left without a goodbye

12th December, 2008. Published in US Magazine, The News

Of Parenting

When you were young and accidently broke your mother’s favorite vase, did you simply collapse with fear? When your father used to come home, did you with the rest of your siblings scatter away turning out T.V, DVD Player as you flew the coop? Did you have to think a gazillion times before you could go up to your parents and say,” I made a boo-boo and I am sorry”?

If my long term memory serves me right, corporal punishment was never an option in our house. All I remember is a blow on the back from dad while studying for mathematics’ examination (I am sure it was unintentional) and a slap or two from mom (purely intentional) for pestering her. At first I thought these were the perks of being the only kid but this punishment thing simply doesn’t run in the family.

After so many years, I wonder, would have I turned out any different if answers to these questions in the first paragraph had been in affirmative. Most probably I would have. Would it have been worth it? I don’t know. It’s all relative. The temptation and ability to blab out everything at the end of the day to my folks is something I cherish. Best present a parent could give to his/her child. Many a times I simply didn’t do something bad, because I knew I would ultimately let it all out. They would come to know and there is no hiding from them. I knew I wouldn’t get a beating but still I was and am scared. Mental warfare at its best.

Worst times have been those when intentionally or unintentionally this communication gap was temporarily bottlenecked. As soon as you find yourself not answerable to anyone, problems start brewing up. Mr. Know-it-all smarty pants ends up creating one heck of a mess. Our lives would be much simpler if these communication lines are kept live and running.

I once read in Reader’s Digest to consider your children as grown ups when they stop asking you from where they came and stop telling you where they are going. I think no matter how much we grow up we should always let them know where we are going. They may not always like it and we may not always agree but in the end it works out for the good. One could never find a better cushion to fall back on. They are your first and last line of defense. The chink less armor.

Easy on the Spices

A pinch of salt and pepper is enough to enhance the flavors but we have to go one step further from being passionate to obsessive; enhancement to mutilation. Until and unless beads of sweat start tickling down and the tongue pops out, we don’t label it as food. Every eatable must be dipped in a range of spices and should be floating in a hot red murky shorba(broth) before it is served. There is no such thing as spicy food, it is only food. Adrak (Ginger), Anardana (Pomegranate seed), Darchini (cinnamon), Dhania (Coriander seed), Elaichi (Cardamom), Haldi(Turmeric), Hara dhaniya (Coriander), Zeera (Cumin) to name a very few. With all these things smeared on, how on earth am I supposed to taste that chicken within?

But it is extremely difficult to make a case against spices. They literally made an empire to take over another empire and then rule it for hundred odd years. Beat that!

I am accused of being disloyal to my roots and my mum says that BBC Food, now Lifestyle has corrupted my mind. Well she is not entirely incorrect :) . But who can blame me? Watching that channel is the best therapy for a troubled soul. You don’t need anything else. Turn it on, meditate and liberate yourself.

I think we should go easy on the spices. Pleasure should lead us towards peace not chaos and that thing which gurgles inside me after an extra spicy serving is certainly no peace. Every flavor should be given due chance to work its magic on the palate. A perfect balance is what does the trick and excess of an ingredient can ruin the whole canvas.

Misfortunes, mishaps, tragedies…When these befall, sense of right and wrong greatly falters.

New Found Respect

I used to be the most uncouth reader. If a book lover analyzed the book I had just got over with, he could surely sue me for sacrilege.

Cover page was mutilated owing to my mindless abstract artwork. Pages sodden as the book was left by the window in the rest room and were rudely underlined with multicolored ballpoints. Book-mark was considered an unnecessary luxury and the pen used for the same purpose left the book deformed forever. Edges were torn down and they became my modified tooth-picks (I know! I know! This was so below the belt!). No surprise that lending a book was a nightmare. Defilement needed to be put an end to.

Lately I have seen an improvement though. A dog-eared page makes me cringe. I have actually started to use a book-mark. Well it’s not exactly a book-mark; I just found another use for my Telenor prepaid cards. Instead of underlining the whole paragraph, a single dot on the margin does the trick and I have finally recovered from making to-do-lists at the end pages.

I don’t know whether there is anything to infer from this new found respect for books. I just know one thing for sure that they are going to be with me for quite some time and I can’t afford to offend them.

A Dream Shattered

Today is 9th November, birth anniversary of Dr. Muhammad Allama Iqbal. I took out the book comprising his complete works and opened it randomly. Like Shakespeare and Ghalib, I always find it too herculean a task to even dare to open a book like this. I know at the back of my mind that I'll end up lost in the tirade of words too big for me.

I came across these verses which are from his book bal-e-jibreel. I was pleasantly surprised how smoothly they ran through me without any hindrance up to the point where they touched the heart. Striking the right cords at the right time. A surge within as you read these lines.

نہ ہُوطغیانِ مُشتاقی تو میں رہتا نہیں باقی
!کہ میری زندگی کیا ہے؟ یہی طُغیانِ مُشتاقی
مجھے فطرت نوا پر پے بہ پے مجبور کرتی ہے
ابھی محفل میں ہے شاید کوئی درد آشنا باقی
وہ آتش آج بھی تیرا نشیمن پھونک سکتی ہے
!طلب صادق نہ ہو تیری تو پھر کیا شکوۂ ساقی
نہ کر افرنگ کا اندازہ اس کی تابناکی سے
کہ بجلی کے چراغوں سے ہے اس جوہر کی بَّراقی
دلوں میں ولولے آفاق گیری کے نہیں اُٹھتے
!نگاہوں میں اگر پیدا نہ ہو اندازِ آفاقی
خزاں میں بھی کب آسکتا تھا میں صیّاد کی زد میں
!مری غمّاز تھی شاخِ نشیمن کی کم اوراقی
الٹ جائیں گی تدبیریں، بدل جائیں گی تقدیریں
!حقیقت ہے، نہیں میرے تخیّل کی یہ خلّاقی

I see around today and I feel cheated. Was this 'the' nation? I wish we had not let his vision crumble and dream shatter.

Plato - The Republic

In the movie ‘My big fat Greek wedding’, Gus Portokalos rightly says, “When my people were writing philosophy,your people were still swinging from trees”. Penned down around approximately 350 B.C, the thought process exuding from this book is astonishing. Before I read this book I might have thought that ideas regarding justice, morality, society, education, role of women and all these perks of the modern civilization were brought forward and spread only by the Religions. Apparently not!

In the beginning of the book, Glaucon puts forward the main argument which later was known as the Social Contract theory,“We are only moral because it pays us or we have to be, and that given the chance we should all behave extremely badly” .

From there the reader begins a journey comprising of emphatic dialogues. How Socrates never gives his views and how through dialectic goes on to chart out a plan for a perfect society is simply amusing to read. No lectures, only conversation. One might say that the whole thing borders close to idealism but the single fact that in the book they professed that this kind of society might not exist in this world, in my view, acquits them from being idealists.

After all what could be the harm in following an ideal state? We may never reach it but at least we would be satisfied that we strived for the best. We may never make it to the top but even if we managed to go half the way, it would be worth it. When you reach for the stars you may never reach them but you don’t return with a handful of mud either.

There was a passage about how people are born with gold, silver or bronze inside. At first it smelled of inequality but the very next statement laid my apprehension to rest. It tells that if a bronze child is born to gold parents, he or she should be placed with all the other bronze people in the society, performing the same functions as they do. In short the son of a landlord isn’t destined to become the member of the national assembly. Will Durant puts it more precisely in his book, Story of Philosophy,

“If a woman shows herself capable of political administration let her rule, if a man shows himself to be capable only off washing dishes, let him fulfill the function to which providence has assigned him.”

Of course hints of selective breeding and infanticide are something which might never materialize in this world. Yes, we might go as far as genetically enhancing humans but I guess that is the furthest we’ll go. It is just a guess though.

Education for all is certainly a good enough idea and especially an education which is aimed not to put into mind, knowledge that was not there before but to turn the mind’s eye to the light so that it can see for itself. This could be the best possible filtration system a society could employ. The sieve should be merit, not wealth.

“There is something low and mean about plundering a corpse, a kind of feminine mindedness, treating the body as an enemy when fighting spirit which fought in it has flown away”. It wasn’t till the 19th century that we thought of Geneva Conventions. Being on the top of the world and still thinking that Greeks should treat the corpses of Barbarians just like they would treat a corpse of a Greek is something remarkable. It shows that morality can’t be just the fear of police then.

Then there is the very interesting criticism of democracy while Plato goes on to describe an Ideal State. Is democracy the universal remedy? Perhaps! It is the most attractive and versatile but isn’t it just a trendy name given to mob rule, a clash of classes, conflict of rich and poor, leading to a tyrant’s rise as the popular champion.

There is certainly much more to this masterpiece than just what you have read up here. A fulfilling and enriching experience from start to finish.

Giving Up

A cancerous growth
impinging upon soul
Gnawing and piercing
fraying the essence
a halfhearted fight
a web of vicious tentacles
Engulfing and pulling
towards the eternal abode

31st October, 2008. Published in US Magazine, The News

The Show Never Stops

There are a few facts of life which just don’t get absorbed in our minds. They always find their way out from the attic in head and come as a shock on every encounter. We are too afraid to accept them. Like the fact that fleeting time is bound to take people away from us. Brevity of human life is something with which we might never get accustomed. People closest to our hearts would desert us eventually.

While filling out a bank form I struggled to place a mark in the box right next to the option ‘Either or Survivor’. I don’t blame the form. It was written with profitability in perspective, not sentiments but the sheer brazenness of it shakes you up. Thrown right into your face. Something to bring you face to face with the very grim side of life. The very moment when you have to let go of the armor of denial, bowing down to the impeding truth.

You can never prepare for something like this, even though it as sure as the passing of days. When the time comes, it will hurt all the same. Left behind would only be a long tail of etched memories, keeping the wounds fresh and life hollow. But I have seen time working miracles. The world can be a very absorbing place if one is ready to yield to its temptations. Without our noticing those etched memories start eroding. Sands of time bury them somewhere deep down. Faces get blurred and voices muted. New memories are painted over the old ones. Life goes on. The show never stops.

Solitude Sans Sin

One of the very few messages I found worth saving or forwarding.

"Momin wo nahe jis ki mehfil paak hai, momin wo hai jis ki tanhaee paak hai" (Believer is not the one whose gatherings are sans sin, believer is the one whose solitude is sans sin)

It does boil down to this. Doesn't it? When we are sure that nobody is watching, the reality resurfaces. Clad in punishment proof jacket we venture out. A surreptitious puff, a secret glance. A real supply of moral fiber is needed to counter these clandestine activities. A good act in solitude or without any kind of intentional hoopla is equally difficult to carry out. There is an innate desire to be recognized and praised which is hard to let go.

A case of two brains

You can either sulk or smile when something like this happens. No need for sulking as it would only take your attention away from something worthwhile. Smile and forget it or as in my case post it on your blog and then forget it.

Half way through the psychology class I was wondering as to why humanists rejected the Freudian idea and was planning to put the question to the teacher. But it is hard to think with a pestering nuisance right next to you; someone constantly cracking knuckles and scratching god knows where (You cannot always choose who is going to sit next to you). I was sure that this person was thinking about something absolutely absurd and worthless. Suddenly he comes out of this trance and proclaims earnestly,

“Oyai tujhai pata hai bandron kai do damagh hotai hain?”

(Hey! Do you know that the monkeys have two brains?).

Final 20-20 Cricket Cup : A match to forget

I thank my luck for not being able to go to the final of 20-20 cricket cup at the Gaddafi stadium, Lahore held on 8th October, 2008. I sure missed the excellent display of fireworks and company of my chums but watching the dance performance of the rising star of the country, Zara, perform on the eve of the day on which only three years back a devastating earthquake hit Pakistan was sickening. One doesn’t has to drag religion or even culture into this but even common sense claims that the dance performance was crass, lewd and obscene.

Mush brought the gift of enlightened moderation and we witnessed its outcome. A species once barricaded behind closed doors was unleashed. Pseudo-Westernization and senseless following of culture unknown to 99% of local population was slapped on their faces. A new genre of extremism was out, mocking the life styles of millions of Pakistanis. With media blatantly supporting this fad, we made sure that a person hailing from middle-class starts questioning his parents’ morals and feel inferior for not having his/her fair share of BFs/GFs.

If Indians who have a comparatively not-so-conservative society could ban the skimpy clothed cheerleaders as they hurt the public sentiment, why do we have to stoop to such levels to gain foreign acceptance? If the bhangra king, Abrar-ul-Haq thinks that this nation can unite under this facade of moderation and with utter disregard for others’ values, he is grossly mistaken.

At first I thought of uploading the video but on the second thought, don't feel like it!

The Quake

I wrote these lines a year after the horrible earthquake hit Pakistan. It was 8th October, 2005 at 08:50:38. Around 80,00 people lost their lives. It was hell on earth. There would never be words which could ever encompass the calamity we witnessed.

Symbolizing the end of times
it came hitting with full force
heralded by the moving chimes
turned worse and coarse
eyes wandering and searching
cities razed to the ground
hands groping and clutching
death toll began to mount
people getting buried alive
nature showed its wrath
leaving it hopeless to survive,
the catastrophic aftermath
less than a year has passed

engrossed in life, shock forgotten
at times it makes me fear

are our souls that rotten?

A Case of Exploding Mangoes

This book found the same fate as the two literary ventures of Mohsin Hamid as far as my expectations are concerned. When a handful of once-a-Pakistani writers come up with these pieces, I somehow expect a masterpiece. Still, a satirical novel on Pakistan army is a fresh and commendable idea.

The book starts off well and remains so, at least till the first half. Army lingo and the fluency with which officers hurl abuses is amusing.

“But one pansy giving poetry to another pansy, then the other pansy stuffing it in a hole in his mattress is a perversion beyond me…When I started wearing this uniform, you were still in liquid form…”

I relished the wittingly humorous passages on Zia. They did help to satiate my hunger for the principal reason I sought this book, read Zia being made fun of! Whether it were the tapeworms partying inside the general, his relationship with his wife, death phobia or his imaginary world where he thought himself as the perfect Muslim ruler. I enjoyed every bit of it.

Somewhere in the book a line read

“Our people get used to everything, even the stench of their own garbage.”

It is true that we as a nation are one heck of an obstinate life form. We have remained immune to every era of utter injustice enforced upon us. We never rose as a nation to fight for our rights.
The rape case of Zainab and the subsequent handling of the proceedings disgust you and make you pity the nation who in the name of Islam got so much carried away as to accept such inhuman judgments. Islam has been the perfect charmer for our God fearing public. I am reminded of A.Yusuf Ali's explanation of the verse 10:15. It reads, "The selfish people want to read their own desires or fancies into religious prospects and thus they are often willing to use religion for their own ends. Most of the corruption of religion are due to this cause. But religion is not to be so prostituted."

“May your blood turn to poison. May worms eat your innards.” Those words of Zainab, cursing her captors still verberate inside my head.

The introduction of Osama bin Laden (OBL) is interesting but it is too abrupt. Satire isn’t supposed to be so obvious. Though in the final analysis the book is indeed fulfilling as it combines all the conspiracy theories related to that period and narrates them in an interesting manner. It should certainly be given a read.

Eid is here!

What exactly have we achieved as human beings, a community or a nation in the last month as to deserve those jam-packed roads and shopping malls? A furor over buying clothes, shoes etc. Maybe people have achieved something and I haven't. Otherwise i see no explanation for this hysteria.

Back to Business

Three months vacations are nearing their end. A month back I was thinking that the university has been over generous this time and have stretched them a tad bit too long. I desperately wanted to get back and join the humdrum of life. Remaining up all night, watching Nadia Khan ceaselessly ramble was getting on my nerves. Reading a mere page was an uphill task and I was unable to pen down a single meaningful sentence. Thoughts were jumbled up like my desktop. I could feel bile seeping out of the crevices of my brain due to sheer non productivity. I badly needed a routine. At least that is what I think.

Week before the university reopens, I already feel like that two and half year old kid (yes, my parents got rid of me quite early) screaming at the top of his voice, “kool ganda, jacket gandee” (School bad, jacket bad) as my parents tried to get me ready for the first day at school. Like a diligent weaver bird I want to make a nest and cocoon myself in it and place a “don’t disturb” sign outside.

Expressionless faces, ever ogling eyes, stagnant minds, dumb jokes, cheap gossips, malevolent scheming, tiring schedules, short deadlines and rancid smell of putrid thoughts. My classmate rightly put it, “Dear God! Help maintain my sanity”.

As the semester would proceed I guess a few good things would come along. A much needed routine, rides on my Yamaha to the university on cold and chilly winter mornings while Asif conveniently hides himself behind my considerable body mass, the Sunday get-togethers where time simply stops, a hot cup of Cadbury late at night after putting finishing touches on an assignment...Semester number 5, here I come!

Coke Ramadan

With everything going not right with this country, an ad like this does seem like a story about a land far far away. Some might term it as escapism but it generates a certain kind of warmth, a cozy feeling. It is like someone telling you, "Don't worry, everything is going to be alright". Love, sincerity, friendship and all those overrated abstracts of life are given a new meaning all together.

Way of Life

A message I received from a 14 year old cousin of mine,

"MY WAY OF LIFE, People laugh because I am different and I laugh because they are all the same ... That's called 'ATTITUDE' ... Live it !

I wish I could make him understand that it isn't that simple. Neither they are contend with only laughing nor you can laugh for long at their monotony.

Second servings and First meetings

My folks are always surprised when they see me gulping down food after returning from a wedding, party etc. I know it shouldn’t come as a surprise for someone who is well aware of my gulping habits but people usually assume that one has to stuff one’s food reservoirs on such occasions so that it lasts till the next wedding, party etc. I just have a problem with second servings at these kinds of occasions only. It feels that every eye is following my plate, counting how many times I scooped up the spoon. I thought of piling up my plate in the first go like we do at salt n pepper’s salad bar but even that seems too big a challenge.

Very unfortunately I am overtaken by this phobia when I have to refill my cup at subway. Every time I pledge to myself that no stepping back this time, I can always hear the man at the counter saying, “Second time eh? You’re sure? Please don’t look at me, it’s absolutely fine, go ahead but you’re really really sure you want to do this?” Shut up!

I dragged myself to the first (hopefully this year’s last) aftar party. Apart from hating the combination of these two words; aftar and party, it is agonizing to attend a gathering where know to don’t know ratio is 1/30.

It is more hilarious to see others trying to strike a conversation than I making an effort to keep up with them. I am perfectly fine if they let me sit quietly in one corner of the room. I am completely harmless in that way but the host thinks that you are getting bored (it is supposed to be my happy face) and he drags a person out of the crowd, roughly my age, gives a short introduction and leaves.

Gotcha! There is no way out. Appearances are my first impressions. The moment someone starts walking towards me, my mind is feverishly charting out his/her character map. Mostly the maps which are turned out aren’t very encouraging. After the initial and famous hello-hi, mono-syllable answers are the way out. Still if the other person persists and doesn’t leave with a polite excuse me (which I am most happy to do), I finally start making an effort, acknowledging his sincere determination. It usually goes fine from there but I guess it’s those initial jitters which make the whole experience exhausting.

South Park Avatar

Should there be compromises in a relationship? No! There is no harm in sacrifices though.

What is the difference? A compromise is done unwillingly with expectations super-glued to it. It’s the other way round with sacrifices. Expectations are the silent killers.

What gives things their mass?

It has been a long time since scientist first collided sub-atomic particles and in the process discovered that protons and neutrons aren’t the smallest components of an atom. They have been made by even smaller gluons and quarks. The Large Hadron Collider is going to be doing the exact same thing but with much more power and precision (It would be like firing two needles across the Atlantic and making sure that they hit each other).

Beams would be fired from the two side of the tunnel trying to smash protons around the speed of light in an attempt to create conditions microseconds after the big bang and discover new particles. The experiment could also prove the existence of Higgs boson; explaining what gives things their mass.

Here is what the TIME magazine reports.

"Higgs theory proposes the existence of a single particle responsible for imparting mass to all things — a speck so precious it has come to be known as the "God particle…Higgs theorized a mechanism to explain how two types of particle, mass less like everything else immediately after the Big Bang, came to acquire different masses as the universe cooled...Working from Higgs' theory, scientists postulate that initially weightless particles move through a ubiquitous quantum field, known as a Higgs field, like a pearl necklace through a jar of honey. Some particles, such as photons — weightless carriers of light — can cut through the sticky Higgs field without picking up mass. Others get bogged down and become heavy; that is the process that creates tangible matter”
One scientist said, "there is a possibility that after the experiment it is proven that this elusive particle just simply don’t exist. The most interesting discovery would be that we could not find the Higgs, proving practically that it isn’t there; meaning we really haven’t understood something. Revolutions sometimes come when you hit a wall and you realize that you truly haven’t understood something...". Salute to the perseverance of these guys.

Ofcourse there is a lingering fear among people that micro blackholes created during this process would become large enough by 2012 (the year in which Nostradamus and Mayan calendar predict doomsday to occur) to engulf this earth but these fears have been rejected by scientists; the likes of Stephen Hawking.

http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1729139,00.html
http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1840151,00.html

Twinkle Twinkle Little Stars

I have never believed in them to an extent that they can determine my future or anything. Fatalism can be fatal. I think dear old Mother Nature is either too good or too evil to give us any heralds. Let's see how much do I fit into the Cancerian mold (vaguely reminds me of the eternal forms of Plato).

• Extremely emotional and deeply attached to their family. Every single child is. Big deal!
• Totally risk-averse and prefer to follow a wait-and-watch policy. Trying to get over this thing for like an eternity
• Cancer imparts sensitivity to the individuals born in July. And surely it has done in my case.
• His frown can easily turn, first, into smile and then, into a laugh. How very innocent :)
• Very loving, caring and thoughtful. How can I ever deny this?
• Prone to extreme mood swings, this can range from being dreamy and wistful to sarcastic and bitter. Who told you that?
• Harsh words make him retreat into a deep shell and then, he becomes almost impossible to communicate with. I am supposed to be like a crab not a turtle!
• Will come across as an extremely shy person, who speaks less and minds his own business. Ah! So true
• Not one of those who tell everything about themselves in the first meeting itself. In fact, it will take a large number of meetings to get even a little close to him. Like the all mysterious aura thing going around :P
• May seem to be a different person every time you meet him. You’ll never run out of flavors!
• He is a true romantic and sees fairytale dreams frequently. However, he is as close to reality as anyone can be. Baffled na?
• May look harsh and distant at times, but inside they are very gentle, kind and affectionate. Rudeness is not one of their personality traits. It just acts a cover to hide their true, vulnerable feelings. See! I told you guys I don’t have an attitude problem
• He is the one who always pays his bills on time and he likes saving more than spending. He is not stingy, but he is also not extravagant
• Won’t sacrifice his taste and style in the name of economy. Should I stop going to landa bazaar then?
• There is another thing a Cancer male cannot live without - talking about his Mommy Dearest! Aawwww
  
  
  

High Society

“His villa was the hotspot for the high society”

The last two words make me cringe, sick and did I mention puke? What standards have we placed to judge the social standing of a human being? I guess there is only one standard here; in how many figures, is your bank balance.

Certainly it is considered crass to comment when someone has left the scene for the world, where he would be better judged. I would also refrain from commenting; knowing that I might know only one side of the story or simply because the person in question is no more to defend himself.

Still the brutal death did bring up some issues which I think were always there though never discussed openly. Why the high society always means excessive wealth and degraded morals? Why behind those painted faces and at their hotspots; one can expect the worst of human practices? Still every one wants to climb up the social ladder and be a part of that high society; gain entry into those shadowy corridors whereof one gets the liberty to indulge in the temptations of life. No doubt that with that kind of money you can create heaven on earth but it would have been tolerable if every one who deserved it could also be a part of it.

"How seldom, friend! a good great man inherits

Honour or wealth with all his worth and pains!

It sounds like stories from the land of spirits

if any man obtain that which he merits

Or any merit that which he obtains."

But those who deserve it simply don’t need it.

For shame, dear friend, renounce this canting strain!
What would'st thou have a good great man obtain?
Place? titles? salary? a gilded chain?
Or throne of corses which his sword had slain?
Greatness and goodness are not means, but ends!
Hath he not always treasures, always friends,
The good great man? three treasures, LOVE, and LIGHT,
And CALM THOUGHTS, regular as infant's breath:
And three firm friends, more sure than day and night,
HIMSELF, his MAKER, and the ANGEL DEATH!
Coleridge

I fear for the day when people would rise; forcibly claiming their share of that man made heaven and in the process making a hell of it. I understand the futility of my lines when I think that one can’t fight the human nature but it feels good to let it out.

PU-239 The Half Life of Timofey Berezin

The guy at the local 'video' shop makes sure that he lets me rummage through all the movies which people have rejected after seeing the front or reading the back cover. They turn out to be the best ones. It isn't surprising. My neighbourhood just has a different taste. I came to know this when I was told that the shopkeeper generates most of his revenue by renting out wrestling DVDs. Yes, people actually watch them.

PU-239 tells the story of a Russian who gets exposed to radiation (1000 rems) during an accident at the nuclear station. Just that you get an idea how lethal it can be; if exposed to 600 rems, you are supposed to die within a month. Anyway, before he gives up the ghost he tries to sell a stolen sample of PU-239 in a desperate attempt to raise some money for his family.

What made this flick beautiful to me were the striking analogies the character has made during the course of the movie.

"Light is a particle and a wave. This is hard to understand, how a thing can be two things at once. But a woman is also both a particle and a wave. She’s a wave when you see her reach down to pull a shell from the sea and you feel her beauty pass through you like electric current. She’s a particle when her hair brushes your face and her hands push into yours. And a child is also a particle and a wave. He is wave when the sound of his pain shoots through you and twists you away from yourself and he is a particle when the doctor hands you a baby. A small mirror. Women, children and light can be two things at once. They ricochet off the hard surfaces and illuminate the corners. Without them it would be far darker."

Immaculate catharsis...

"An element loses a particle and becomes unstable. A chain reaction is set in motion. Pulsing waves of desperation in every direction. Perhaps the lost part is clarity or hope. In the fallout, the man-made elements appear- isotopes of fear and anger that cannot be handled safely or buried in the ground. They take the shape of a mushroom cloud started above a desert that circles the globe and shadows us all."

"Uranium, Neptunium, Plutonium. They came from space; found their way here by comet and meteorite. No child ever wished this from a star. Hiroshima, Nagasaki, Chernobyl. Problems with half-lives forty-thousand years long. Half a life. Time takes half of us away and comes back later for the rest. We are children and then we are parents. We are long division. Slowly we decay into memory."

• If given a chance, would you like to live the exact same life all over again?
• Would you like to go back in time and change something?

These kinds of questions always mess up my mind. Answers to these questions tend to change as you move along the trade cycle of life. Great psychoanalytical tools though!

Satisfaction vs Ambition

We look before and after
And pine for what is not

I was once told that while you sit in the car, look at the person on the motorbike; if you are on the motorbike, look at the person on the bicycle; if you are on the bicycle, look at the person who has only one leg…

It might be a good philosophy to live by as it kills the greed and keeps you happy, no matter how less you have; still, human nature would always rebel and fight for more. The classic clash between the haves and the have-nots is a never ending story. But by following the above mentioned philosophy you might start appreciating what you have and your heart goes out for the underprivileged.

At times another aspect of this philosophy does arise in one’s life; where it has the ability to make you satisfied, it also has the tendency to make you stagnant. It might keep on gnawing at your ambition. If thanking God for what you have is good then wishing for more shouldn’t be a sin. Satisfaction and ambition shouldn’t act as opposing forces.

‘Wishing for more’, there arises a need to define the limits for ‘more’. I guess to define this; one must plunge into the discussion of ideal social organization. Every social system has its drawbacks. We have seen both China and America thrive under their respective systems. Where one is accused of abusing human rights; the other system provides less than 10% chance for a person born in a lower middle class family to move to higher social class.

I think the religion does provide an ideal social system but sometimes it seems too good to be true. Iqbal was right when he said

Yes! Perfection is possible...

2 am in the morning, garfield eyes, .02% of brain functioning (way below than what Einstein predicted in a normal human being) but behold what a mere mortal is capable of!. They appear to me like a pair of clown-like eyes or even better; two main sequence stars coming together in a globular cluster to make a blue straggler.

I was amazed that I didn't have a single label which referred to the main ingredient of life, food! The very thing which has never let me down.

There is no love sincerer than the love of food. ~George Bernard Shaw

You can always trust a chocolate bar to wipe away your tears, a medium steak to ease out tensions, potato chips to put an end to boredom and ofcourse our very own; the loving and caring, soft drinks.

Sleep 'til you're hungry, eat 'til you're sleepy. ~Author Unknown

Bye Bye Mush

Maybe as a nation we have developed a thirst for sensationalism; that is why when the general resigned so effortlessly, I was quite taken aback. I was hoping for another round of political melodrama but I guess the "last punch" proved pretty heavy.

I was among those unfortunates who due to lack of vision rejoiced when this guy took over the country. In our naivety we forgot that the democracy needs to take its roots in the system and for this it needs time. If the army keeps on poking its nose every now and then, how do we expect democracy to flourish? Just because the army intervention; we, the people of Pakistan completely forgot what PPP and PML-N had offered us in their early tenures. They themselves were no angels but after nine years of junta rule, they appear to be the saviors. If army had remained to the borders and had kept on serving rather than ruling the nation; these saviors would also have faced the same fate as PML-Q.

Still it was good to see him go (although not the way I wanted). We hang democracy but let the junta go with a guard-of-honor.

It was disturbing that people still had "mixed" feelings to see him go but on the second thought I don't blame them. I know it is difficult to be optimistic in these times of despair. It would be foolish to consider this ousting as a panacea for the problems of Pakistan; still, generals are at their best in the battlefield and they have no place in the public offices.

Did anything good come out of these nine years? I think in his efforts to make Uncle Sam happy and bath the country in enlightened moderation, he did loose the reigns on media; so much that it went out of his control. Media got its complete freedom and these guys are not going to sit quietly now. Every government would be under their scrutinization. Secondly the 'lawyers' movement' which emerged from this whole fiasco stands for one of the core problems faced by this nation; free judiciary. I hope in future no Justice Munir legalizes army rule under the umbrella of law of necessity.

"Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their powers from the consent of the governed—that whenever any form of government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the right of the people to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new government, laying its foundation on such principles, and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their safety and happiness…but when a long train of abuses and usurpations , pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such government, and to provide new Guards for their future security".

True! People don’t talk like this anymore.

Long live Pakistan.

Ingrid Michaelson

I discovered her in those weekly music reviews. Perhaps it was the laid back style or just the innocence of lyrics that has kept me glued to her songs for the last two weeks.

“Giving Up”

What if we stop having a ball?
What if the paint chips from the wall?
What if there's always cups in the sink?
What if I'm not what you think I am?

What if I fall further than you?
What if you dream of somebody new?
What if I never let you win, chase you with a rolling pin?
Well what if I do? I am giving up on making passes
and I am giving up on half empty glasses
and I am giving up on greener grasses.
I am giving up. What if our baby comes home after nine?
What it your eyes close before mine?
What if you lose yourself sometimes?
Then I'll be the one to find you
Safe in my heart.

"Starting Now"

I want to crawl back inside my mother's womb
I want to shut out all the lights in this room
I want to start fresh, like a baby in a sink
Scrub away all these thoughts that i think of you
So life moves slowly when you're waiting for it to boil
Feel like i watch from 6 feet under the soil
Still want to hold you and kiss behind your ears
But I re count the countless tears that i lost for you
But before you finally go *(before you go)*
There’s one thing you should know:
That I promise -
Starting now I'll never know your name
Starting now I'll never feel the same
Starting now I wish you never came into my world.
I want to crawl back inside my bed of sin
I want to burn the sheets that smell like your skin
Instead I'll wash them just like kitchen rags with stains
Spinning away every piece that remains of you.
It's my world, it's not ours anymore

"Glass"

Rolled around on kitchen floors.

Tied my tongue in pretty bows with yours.

And now we pass and just like glassI see through you,

you see through me like I'm not there

You could make my head swerve.

Used to know my every curve.

And now we meet on a street,And I am blind.

I can not find the heart I gave to you.

Sometimes what we think we really want we don't.

Sometimes what we think we want we really don't.

Sometimes what we think we love we don't.

And I am blind. I can not find the heart I gave to you.

And when we meet on a street,Then I am blind.

I can not find the heart I gave to you.

Death in disguise?

Today a child died in his/her mother's womb. A flower plucked before it could bloom. Without playing god; if that bloom was one day going to be smeared by the harsh winds of human nature, wasn't it a blessing?

“Those who are plucked in youth and innocence are among the fortunates. It is we sinners who have to plod and labour through the whole span of life…”

Perhaps it is only me with such a gloomy picture of this world. I remember these lines penned down by a friend


Where breeze mourns the loss of love
Where mercy lies under, assault above
The sinners are king and crime the queen
The bullets command and injustice rules
Where honor and virtue have left the scene
Where money allures and ego thrives
Where greed rules and hatred drives
The Eden of thorns nearby grows
Where roses stink and gloom glows
Saad Javed


Nothing but mourning for the mother was to be. Her only solace is in religion; holding onto which a person dares to live on. How indispensable is religion at these times!

Certainly these are the hard times when in absence of hope and in depths of despair you catch the fading flicker of dying faith and reinvigorate it because you have nowhere else to turn to. People forget and forgive saying that god will take revenge and punish on their behalf on the Day of Judgment. Is this inability to take action or just being a destitute of courage?

What makes your heart wrench even more that the poor girl would now be persecuted for the loss of the child. Unable to produce an heir; a constant threat of being given a divorce would loom on her head.

Somehow we consider that allowing a woman have your seat in the bus or letting her break the queue would elevate her status in the society. I think we would do much better if we could remove the fear form a girl’s mind that she would not be chucked out of the house for being fruitless.

A silent prayer for that mother; may she be able to bear this loss and may another flower blooms; filling her life with smiles.