Rights of Men

With the tip of his forefinger he traced the path of the blade of a UPS backed ceiling fan. The battery was dying down as his finger moved in ever slowing circular motion and finally came to a halt. The energy saver flickered for a few moments and it too faded out. ‘It’s better to burn out than fade away’, he smiled remembering how cool that line sounded back in his teenage. Kurt Cobain was supposed to be the ultimate reality. Duh! Suicide is a luxury which God didn’t allow us. His mind wandered.

“Do you know who is poor? They (the Companions of the Holy Prophet (SAWW)) said: A poor man amongst us is one who has no wealth.”

His teacher had narrated the Hadith that very morning while he adjusted himself for the fifth time. His right leg had gone numb and he fought the temptation to stretch his legs for once.

“He (the Holy Prophet(SAWW)) said: The poor of my Umma would be he who would come on the Day of Resurrecton with prayers and fasts and Zakat but since he hurled abuses upon others, brought calumny against others and unlawfully consumed the wealth of others and shed the blood of others and beat others, and his virtues would be credited to the account of one (who suffered at his hand). And if his good deeds fall short to clear the account, then his sins would be entered in (his account) and he would be thrown in the Hell-Fire”

“So make sure you leave no stone unturned to compensate for all the wrongs done to people”, the teacher emphasized.

“What if someone thinks that he has been wronged but actually he hasn’t been, then?” a guilty conscience from the last bench asked.

“What if he has been, are you still ready to take the risk? With your number of good deeds, I don’t think you can afford to spare even a few of them”, the person sitting next to him supposedly thought it was necessary to speak.

“Okay, then what would be the compensation for a broken heart?” someone was thinking in that class.

Government Hospital

She is lying on a wooden plank outside the orthopedic department. Two steel rods are tightened across her feeble leg. The cotton has turned crimson from where the rods pierce the flesh. Hardly nine years of age, her wet eyes look around, desperately looking for her father who just promised her that he'll be back in a minute; he has gone to bring a rickshaw.

I stand there, watching her and cursing myself for not having the courage to console her. My perfectly ironed clothes and polished shoes start to make me feel guilty.What if her father never comes back? This is Pakistan and she is a girl. What if the father weighs his options and finds out that it would be better to leave her there rather than to take a disable girl back home, a financial and social burden. 20 minutes pass and the father is still not back; the girl is not crying anymore. Her expressions tell me that fear has replaced all other emotions. I am still standing there at a distance, constantly looking at her. She looks at me after every few seconds. My heart lies to me that perhaps my presence is a little relief to her but I know that I mean nothing. We are both helpless beyond imagination or at least we feel like that.

I know that eventually I'll have to go. I'll be thinking about this for a couple more days, those eyes will haunt me for sometime but then (and I don't know why) I'll forget it. Life would not let me stand on the shore and one of its many torrents would take me away with it. I just wish those eyes could haunt me for the rest of my life so that I could never even dare to complain for how things are or would turn out to be.

__________ I exist because I think but my inability to think what others' think makes me extinct. I am alive because I feel pain but my incapacity to feel others' pain tells me that I am long dead. Slave of the most carnal desires I have the audacity to call myself different_____

The father did come and took her daughter away. The stubborn hope gets the last laugh.

On the other side

The people he expected to cry were not making him sad but it were the unexpected wet eyes which were making him feel so good. ‘At least give that ego a rest now’, the inner voice was still very much alive.

He was grateful to all of them for not making hoopla.

“We can't do anything for you. Divine Will can't be changed. Eyes shed tears, and heart is sad and grieved for death. However, will not say anything which may invite the wrath of Allah. If there had not been the true and certain promise of Allah that we too shall come after you.”

Exactly what he had wished for; and he also wanted all those people to get on with their lives as soon as possible. He always admired the English for how gracefully they put up with deaths. It must be a cultural effect because it is hard to believe that they feel any less pain.

We always fuss about the unpredictability of life whenever encountered by the news of a sudden death but hardly anyone prepares for it. At 22, who could have thought it was his time to leave. Nature, as they say, is too cruel to give heralds. There were no regrets but there was certainly anger. Sheer frustration on being unable to find what the heck the whole exercise was about. All the things loved and held closed had lost their worth. Every single bit around which the life revolved had been rendered useless. Jumping from one temptation to another, he knew now that all that fretting was over nothing. He fought battles which could not be won, cherished the perishable and had nothing which could have been brought here.

We are a stubborn lot. We learn only from our mistakes and death is one mistake which we don’t have the luxury to make twice. Chance to make corrections is never there. He remembered that peer who spent forty nights in an open grave; the reason behind that ritual is something which dawned upon him as they lowered him down. The stone slabs were placed over, eclipsing any form of light. Even hope, the obstinate one was shunned from there.

‘Life could be so different from this perspective’, he thought. Compared to this pitch darkness; highest of obstacles and bumpiest of roads are nothing. Eternal meaning is found in places where we never bother to look or lies on paths we seldom tread.

Happy New Year

Respite

With the call for the Morning Prayer his eyes groggily let themselves open.

Lying in bed with that distinct smell of hospital ward all around felt strangely soothing. It seemed justifiable to find himself there; a necessary conclusion to all the nonsense that was piling up in his mind. How during the past few weeks he had wished to fall ill just so he can get a break from life itself. It always felt like as if a stage is being set for something far worse or like sitting in trenches just before a massive war is about to be waged; the deathly silence before the first shot is fired.

There was no familiar face around except for that nurse engrossed in a women’s digest, leaning comfortably in her chair. They had got acquainted as he had shifted from consciousness to unconsciousness during the past week.

“Allah will suffice thee, and He is the All-Hearing, the All-Knowing” (2:137), he loved reciting this verse from Quran. It was the verse on which blood was spilt when trying to save her husband; a wife’s fingers were chopped off. He was not sure what made this verse so special to him. Was it the words which consoled him even in depths of despair or the impact of that event where love made someone parry a sword with bare hands?

Lying there in the bed was like being in a state of deep meditation; the lying Buddha. For quite some time he had wanted to shy away from daily routine and spend some quality time all alone. He envied the saints for whom the worth of this world reduced to nothing. What a blessing that could be, he wondered.

The television was muted and one of those nauseating political talk shows was up; Pakistan’s way to tackle Indian soaps. The incessant prattle was getting on nation’s nerves. At least the world hasn’t changed since he was admitted to the hospital.

He had regained consciousness and it would not be very late before doctors discover that. He closed his eyes ridding his mind of all that was past, present and future. He had to cherish those few moments of bliss before he was discharged and flushed out into the world.