A Case of Exploding Mangoes

This book found the same fate as the two literary ventures of Mohsin Hamid as far as my expectations are concerned. When a handful of once-a-Pakistani writers come up with these pieces, I somehow expect a masterpiece. Still, a satirical novel on Pakistan army is a fresh and commendable idea.

The book starts off well and remains so, at least till the first half. Army lingo and the fluency with which officers hurl abuses is amusing.

“But one pansy giving poetry to another pansy, then the other pansy stuffing it in a hole in his mattress is a perversion beyond me…When I started wearing this uniform, you were still in liquid form…”

I relished the wittingly humorous passages on Zia. They did help to satiate my hunger for the principal reason I sought this book, read Zia being made fun of! Whether it were the tapeworms partying inside the general, his relationship with his wife, death phobia or his imaginary world where he thought himself as the perfect Muslim ruler. I enjoyed every bit of it.

Somewhere in the book a line read

“Our people get used to everything, even the stench of their own garbage.”

It is true that we as a nation are one heck of an obstinate life form. We have remained immune to every era of utter injustice enforced upon us. We never rose as a nation to fight for our rights.
The rape case of Zainab and the subsequent handling of the proceedings disgust you and make you pity the nation who in the name of Islam got so much carried away as to accept such inhuman judgments. Islam has been the perfect charmer for our God fearing public. I am reminded of A.Yusuf Ali's explanation of the verse 10:15. It reads, "The selfish people want to read their own desires or fancies into religious prospects and thus they are often willing to use religion for their own ends. Most of the corruption of religion are due to this cause. But religion is not to be so prostituted."

“May your blood turn to poison. May worms eat your innards.” Those words of Zainab, cursing her captors still verberate inside my head.

The introduction of Osama bin Laden (OBL) is interesting but it is too abrupt. Satire isn’t supposed to be so obvious. Though in the final analysis the book is indeed fulfilling as it combines all the conspiracy theories related to that period and narrates them in an interesting manner. It should certainly be given a read.

Eid is here!

What exactly have we achieved as human beings, a community or a nation in the last month as to deserve those jam-packed roads and shopping malls? A furor over buying clothes, shoes etc. Maybe people have achieved something and I haven't. Otherwise i see no explanation for this hysteria.

Back to Business

Three months vacations are nearing their end. A month back I was thinking that the university has been over generous this time and have stretched them a tad bit too long. I desperately wanted to get back and join the humdrum of life. Remaining up all night, watching Nadia Khan ceaselessly ramble was getting on my nerves. Reading a mere page was an uphill task and I was unable to pen down a single meaningful sentence. Thoughts were jumbled up like my desktop. I could feel bile seeping out of the crevices of my brain due to sheer non productivity. I badly needed a routine. At least that is what I think.

Week before the university reopens, I already feel like that two and half year old kid (yes, my parents got rid of me quite early) screaming at the top of his voice, “kool ganda, jacket gandee” (School bad, jacket bad) as my parents tried to get me ready for the first day at school. Like a diligent weaver bird I want to make a nest and cocoon myself in it and place a “don’t disturb” sign outside.

Expressionless faces, ever ogling eyes, stagnant minds, dumb jokes, cheap gossips, malevolent scheming, tiring schedules, short deadlines and rancid smell of putrid thoughts. My classmate rightly put it, “Dear God! Help maintain my sanity”.

As the semester would proceed I guess a few good things would come along. A much needed routine, rides on my Yamaha to the university on cold and chilly winter mornings while Asif conveniently hides himself behind my considerable body mass, the Sunday get-togethers where time simply stops, a hot cup of Cadbury late at night after putting finishing touches on an assignment...Semester number 5, here I come!

Coke Ramadan

With everything going not right with this country, an ad like this does seem like a story about a land far far away. Some might term it as escapism but it generates a certain kind of warmth, a cozy feeling. It is like someone telling you, "Don't worry, everything is going to be alright". Love, sincerity, friendship and all those overrated abstracts of life are given a new meaning all together.

Way of Life

A message I received from a 14 year old cousin of mine,

"MY WAY OF LIFE, People laugh because I am different and I laugh because they are all the same ... That's called 'ATTITUDE' ... Live it !

I wish I could make him understand that it isn't that simple. Neither they are contend with only laughing nor you can laugh for long at their monotony.

Second servings and First meetings

My folks are always surprised when they see me gulping down food after returning from a wedding, party etc. I know it shouldn’t come as a surprise for someone who is well aware of my gulping habits but people usually assume that one has to stuff one’s food reservoirs on such occasions so that it lasts till the next wedding, party etc. I just have a problem with second servings at these kinds of occasions only. It feels that every eye is following my plate, counting how many times I scooped up the spoon. I thought of piling up my plate in the first go like we do at salt n pepper’s salad bar but even that seems too big a challenge.

Very unfortunately I am overtaken by this phobia when I have to refill my cup at subway. Every time I pledge to myself that no stepping back this time, I can always hear the man at the counter saying, “Second time eh? You’re sure? Please don’t look at me, it’s absolutely fine, go ahead but you’re really really sure you want to do this?” Shut up!

I dragged myself to the first (hopefully this year’s last) aftar party. Apart from hating the combination of these two words; aftar and party, it is agonizing to attend a gathering where know to don’t know ratio is 1/30.

It is more hilarious to see others trying to strike a conversation than I making an effort to keep up with them. I am perfectly fine if they let me sit quietly in one corner of the room. I am completely harmless in that way but the host thinks that you are getting bored (it is supposed to be my happy face) and he drags a person out of the crowd, roughly my age, gives a short introduction and leaves.

Gotcha! There is no way out. Appearances are my first impressions. The moment someone starts walking towards me, my mind is feverishly charting out his/her character map. Mostly the maps which are turned out aren’t very encouraging. After the initial and famous hello-hi, mono-syllable answers are the way out. Still if the other person persists and doesn’t leave with a polite excuse me (which I am most happy to do), I finally start making an effort, acknowledging his sincere determination. It usually goes fine from there but I guess it’s those initial jitters which make the whole experience exhausting.

South Park Avatar

Should there be compromises in a relationship? No! There is no harm in sacrifices though.

What is the difference? A compromise is done unwillingly with expectations super-glued to it. It’s the other way round with sacrifices. Expectations are the silent killers.

What gives things their mass?

It has been a long time since scientist first collided sub-atomic particles and in the process discovered that protons and neutrons aren’t the smallest components of an atom. They have been made by even smaller gluons and quarks. The Large Hadron Collider is going to be doing the exact same thing but with much more power and precision (It would be like firing two needles across the Atlantic and making sure that they hit each other).

Beams would be fired from the two side of the tunnel trying to smash protons around the speed of light in an attempt to create conditions microseconds after the big bang and discover new particles. The experiment could also prove the existence of Higgs boson; explaining what gives things their mass.

Here is what the TIME magazine reports.

"Higgs theory proposes the existence of a single particle responsible for imparting mass to all things — a speck so precious it has come to be known as the "God particle…Higgs theorized a mechanism to explain how two types of particle, mass less like everything else immediately after the Big Bang, came to acquire different masses as the universe cooled...Working from Higgs' theory, scientists postulate that initially weightless particles move through a ubiquitous quantum field, known as a Higgs field, like a pearl necklace through a jar of honey. Some particles, such as photons — weightless carriers of light — can cut through the sticky Higgs field without picking up mass. Others get bogged down and become heavy; that is the process that creates tangible matter”
One scientist said, "there is a possibility that after the experiment it is proven that this elusive particle just simply don’t exist. The most interesting discovery would be that we could not find the Higgs, proving practically that it isn’t there; meaning we really haven’t understood something. Revolutions sometimes come when you hit a wall and you realize that you truly haven’t understood something...". Salute to the perseverance of these guys.

Ofcourse there is a lingering fear among people that micro blackholes created during this process would become large enough by 2012 (the year in which Nostradamus and Mayan calendar predict doomsday to occur) to engulf this earth but these fears have been rejected by scientists; the likes of Stephen Hawking.

http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1729139,00.html
http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1840151,00.html

Twinkle Twinkle Little Stars

I have never believed in them to an extent that they can determine my future or anything. Fatalism can be fatal. I think dear old Mother Nature is either too good or too evil to give us any heralds. Let's see how much do I fit into the Cancerian mold (vaguely reminds me of the eternal forms of Plato).

• Extremely emotional and deeply attached to their family. Every single child is. Big deal!
• Totally risk-averse and prefer to follow a wait-and-watch policy. Trying to get over this thing for like an eternity
• Cancer imparts sensitivity to the individuals born in July. And surely it has done in my case.
• His frown can easily turn, first, into smile and then, into a laugh. How very innocent :)
• Very loving, caring and thoughtful. How can I ever deny this?
• Prone to extreme mood swings, this can range from being dreamy and wistful to sarcastic and bitter. Who told you that?
• Harsh words make him retreat into a deep shell and then, he becomes almost impossible to communicate with. I am supposed to be like a crab not a turtle!
• Will come across as an extremely shy person, who speaks less and minds his own business. Ah! So true
• Not one of those who tell everything about themselves in the first meeting itself. In fact, it will take a large number of meetings to get even a little close to him. Like the all mysterious aura thing going around :P
• May seem to be a different person every time you meet him. You’ll never run out of flavors!
• He is a true romantic and sees fairytale dreams frequently. However, he is as close to reality as anyone can be. Baffled na?
• May look harsh and distant at times, but inside they are very gentle, kind and affectionate. Rudeness is not one of their personality traits. It just acts a cover to hide their true, vulnerable feelings. See! I told you guys I don’t have an attitude problem
• He is the one who always pays his bills on time and he likes saving more than spending. He is not stingy, but he is also not extravagant
• Won’t sacrifice his taste and style in the name of economy. Should I stop going to landa bazaar then?
• There is another thing a Cancer male cannot live without - talking about his Mommy Dearest! Aawwww
  
  
  

High Society

“His villa was the hotspot for the high society”

The last two words make me cringe, sick and did I mention puke? What standards have we placed to judge the social standing of a human being? I guess there is only one standard here; in how many figures, is your bank balance.

Certainly it is considered crass to comment when someone has left the scene for the world, where he would be better judged. I would also refrain from commenting; knowing that I might know only one side of the story or simply because the person in question is no more to defend himself.

Still the brutal death did bring up some issues which I think were always there though never discussed openly. Why the high society always means excessive wealth and degraded morals? Why behind those painted faces and at their hotspots; one can expect the worst of human practices? Still every one wants to climb up the social ladder and be a part of that high society; gain entry into those shadowy corridors whereof one gets the liberty to indulge in the temptations of life. No doubt that with that kind of money you can create heaven on earth but it would have been tolerable if every one who deserved it could also be a part of it.

"How seldom, friend! a good great man inherits

Honour or wealth with all his worth and pains!

It sounds like stories from the land of spirits

if any man obtain that which he merits

Or any merit that which he obtains."

But those who deserve it simply don’t need it.

For shame, dear friend, renounce this canting strain!
What would'st thou have a good great man obtain?
Place? titles? salary? a gilded chain?
Or throne of corses which his sword had slain?
Greatness and goodness are not means, but ends!
Hath he not always treasures, always friends,
The good great man? three treasures, LOVE, and LIGHT,
And CALM THOUGHTS, regular as infant's breath:
And three firm friends, more sure than day and night,
HIMSELF, his MAKER, and the ANGEL DEATH!
Coleridge

I fear for the day when people would rise; forcibly claiming their share of that man made heaven and in the process making a hell of it. I understand the futility of my lines when I think that one can’t fight the human nature but it feels good to let it out.