Beyond Tragedy – Kathleen Kennedy Townsend

In this month’s Reader’s Digest I came across this article by the daughter of late Robert F. Kennedy. It describes how death has been always present in her life and how she coped with the untimely loss of so many family members at a very young age.

She writes,

“…We acknowledge the pain and the loss. We develop rituals – religious services, music, funerals and wakes – where friends gather, hug one another, cry together and share stories and laughs. And we remember. I don’t like the saying, “Time heals all wounds.” It is not true. Years later, people can still be terribly sad and miss their mother, father, child, sibling, friend. Scars remain unhealed."

I always get baffled by the sheer courage of people who withstand something as shocking and terrible as death. The mere idea of losing a loved one is enough to make one shake. Kathleen writes about how her father dealt with the death of his brother, John F. Kennedy.

“On the day that President Kennedy was buried, my father gave me a note…what he wrote to me did not convey fear, anger, or bitterness. He did not speak of revenge. He focused on the future:

Dear Kathleen,

You seemed to understand that Jack died and was buried today. As the oldest of the Kennedy grandchildren, you have a particular responsibility now – a special responsibility to John [my cousin] and Joe [my brother]. Be kind to others and work for your country.

Love,
Daddy

CAN YOU IMAGINE, in your own moment of horrendous loss, reminding your child – and reminding yourself, really – to turn outward, not inward, to perform works of kindness and not of anger and revenge?...”

Yes, it is hard to imagine. Times like these can make one self-centered. You want the world to revolve around you. You want to be left alone but at the same time you want someone sitting right next telling you that everything will be alright and he/she will never leave you.

Based on her personal experiences, Kathleen shares some lessons she has learnt over the years.

“…go to the funeral…it’s there you mingle with families, listen to them talk, and lend your full support. Death opens an enormous hole in the heart. A funeral brings together those who can help fill that hole.”

I know how hard and difficult it can be to console someone who has just lost someone. There is absolutely nothing to say. Words lose their meaning and start sounding too small and pretentious. I always think that there is nothing one can do or say which would somehow lessen the mourner’s pain. I think in reality we don’t want to let that pain go away. Anything contrary to it is considered an insult to the departed one.

Maybe it is. If I die and have the chance to look over my funeral proceedings, it would be nice to see a couple of tears gracing my remembrance.

The writer also goes on to explain what could be done in a case like this,

“…it is better to be rejected than never to try at all. Your friend can always resist the effort...But it is hard to imagine anyone not appreciating it…The outstretched arm, the warm embrace, the freshly baked cookies, or the fragrant flowers do not replace life. Not by any means. But they do say to a grieving friend, “You are loved, you are cherished.” ”

http://www.rd.com/your-america-inspiring-people-and-stories/kathleen-kennedy-townsend-looks-beyond-tragedy/article102047.html